Saturday, January 16, 2010

Just Call Me Alice

I haven't been on here in quite some time. My life has been turned upside down. I was diagnosed with Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. The dreaded Rhupus, the pain has become so debilitating that I have applied for disability, because I can no longer work. So I haven't been writing much. I've decided to get back on here and force myself to start writing again. Maybe it will give me some sense of purpose and give me back some of my sanity.

The chronic pain, depression, zoned out feeling from the drugs, people not understanding, it's all there.

Porcelain cups,
Frilly things placed
Under the afternoon sun

I wonder if I’m mad as the Hatter

Sentences blown like soft kisses
Never meet their mark
Words whisked away
On a breeze

What were you saying dear?
It doesn’t matter
Maybe is does matter. Maybe it does…

Stretching joints
Groaning, protesting
Like an old rusted machine
Whose use has long been forgotten

But you look fine, my dear
Maybe it’s all in your head

Head, head, head
Crashing blackness
Jagged tears that never heal

Oh dear, oh dear
You’re crying again
Here, drink your tea
It’s getting cold.

copyright Sherry Obsheatz


Jackie said...

I check your blog like once a week, hoping you didn't dissapear into the realm of blogness. I have missed your writing! You are one of the few that I connect with when reading the subtle words of despair - with hope flittering in vowels - and spaces between.

I am sooooo sorry about the pain, and the diagnosis. I completely know where you're coming from. My mom has Fybromyalgia, and I'm pretty sure I have RA (crooked joints, pain pain pain), but won't get tested (Military). I was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and I remember feeling that the whole world seemed intent on making me hurt. The pain is so terrible at times that drugs do nothing but make us forget how to write.

Anyway, the only advice I can give, is to keep writing - no matter what it is. It helps the darkness float away...slowly.

Love your new one and glad you're back. Please know you were missed.


Cynthia said...

Blanca Rosa, this poem is a hairs breath between heaven and earth.
A delicate balance of sanity,
yet somehow seeing clearer than
ever. I am reminded of my favorite
Sylvia Plath.

Wonderful to read you again.

Michelle said...

Hey there, White Rose!
It's been a while, but I was happy to see when I sat staring at my stale old blog that your blog on my blog roll had a new post!!
I'm sorry to hear about your illnesses, it must suck. (Sorry, I can't think of a better way to put it!)
I'm glad you're writing again here, I always enjoy reading your blog posts.
Welcome home! :D

p.s. Maybe I'll be inspired to post on mine again one of these days!

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